Healing

We had another Praise Night last night and it was a very different experience than the previous ones, not because I was not part of the Praise Team, though. In the middle of one of the songs, one of my classmates from high school came to my mind. His name was Jan. He died about two months after our graduation in a bus accident in South Asia (the anniversary of his death is a week from today). I was never friends with him, and he actually didn't like me. However, today I suddenly became very sad and realized that I would never see him again, but that he was now in a different place. I felt like I had failed in what God has called me to do. I never shared the gospel with any of my classmates. The fact that Jan died at such a young age made me realize last night that life is short and we never know when it could be over. Somehow in this sadness, God gave me the desire to share the gospel with those around me. I should not keep it to myself because if I do I take the chance away from someone to hear about or even experience the love of God.
While I was still sad and filled with tears I was comforted by the words, "even when I fail you, I know you love me [...] in every season, I know you love me," from the song 'At the Cross'. Knowing that God loves me even when I do something wrong and no matter how many times I fail gives me peace. Also, God loves me in every season, in the good times and the bad times. The song 'Inside Out' has some similar lyrics and reminded me of God's mercy. There it says, "A thousand times I've failed still your mercy remains, and should I stumble again I'm caught in your grace."
I never thought of this as a wound or something that needed healing, but today I was shown otherwise. I was also reminded of the many times I cried as a teenager. I would usually lock myself in the bathroom since that was the only place no one could bother or see me, other times I would cry under my covers at night when everyone else was already sleeping. I struggled with many things at that time, wanting my parents' love and support, being teased in school, things that did not work out the way they were supposed, or when I was simply hurt by what someone had said or done. There are still wounds and scars that need to heal. I really liked the song 'Draw me close to You' because it summed up what I was feeling at that moment during the praise night. Somehow I could see how important God's love and comfort is and how much I need it.
It was not easy to work through all this. However, I am glad I had the opportunity and the space to do so. The praise was very uplifting and accompanied me through this journey. I realized how important healing is for the heart and soul. It takes away a lot of pain that I carried around. Even as God's children we need to be healed to be ready for God's work in our life.

John Gray

I recently learned about this preacher-comedian. He makes some very good points about how we see Jesus and how we should live as followers of Christ. It is definitely worth watching.