God's Plan

As part of my major change, I had to attend an academic plan workshop. As the title says, I had to plan my academic career with my new major. On my way back, I was reflecting on the past four years and almost 20 days that I have been here. Man, I thought I knew what God's plan was for my life.
I think that a lot that happened was part of His plan to teach me some valuable lessons. First I didn't get into Maryland, so I went to MC. Then I got into Maryland but as an out-of-state student. Then I went through a long petition process and received in-state status. Then I applied to the College of Education and didn't get in. I waited a year, started a minor in the mean time, reapplied and gt in. In the Fall of 2014, I was getting ready what I thought was going to be my last year in school. When people asked me what I wanted to do after graduating. Many asked me if I wanted to go to grad school, but I told them that I had enough of school and wanted to work. My plan was to graduate Spring 2015, but God had a different plan. It was kind of a smack in my face, saying, "You won't graduate when you want to! You will have to do another two or three semesters! I have a better plan for you!" Man, you don't know how much that hurt. I cried for several hours and talked to my friendly neighbor and room mates. Then there was that big question mark lingering over my head and life for that matter. What next? I gave myself a day to recover from the news and then started looking and researching possible majors. Throughout this time I knew that God still had the plan for me to become a teacher, but He also opened my heart to think about counseling as another option. I signed up for the workshops and decided that God would lead me.
Do I know what God's plan for me is now? No. Do I worry? No. I don't need to know what God's exact plan for my future are as long as I trust in His guidance, I don't have to worry. Sometimes I will fall or reach a fork in the road. In this situation, I was thankful for having had this experience and coming to the fork. I was able to learn more about myself, my strengths and weaknesses. God is giving me more time and a new place to change course and work on what needs work and refine the skills I already have. God's plan for me is to be where I am now and nowhere else. He will surely lead me ALL the way.

2015 Key Verse Testimony

Proverbs 16:9 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

I chose this verse as my key verse last year because I wanted to remind myself that God is in control of my life. However, I had to learn the hard way how true this verse was through some sobering experiences.

I could not remember much of what happened the first half of the year except that I went to school, taught CBF, and sang in the praise team. The spring semester had been a successful one and I was able to take a summer class in June. At the same time, we had the summer camp for the 2- to 6-year-olds, which was a great learning experience. The children enjoyed learning and playing with their friends. Julia, Rebekah, and Grace were also great co-teachers. Even though we were not able to do much outside the CBF house, we always found other ways to let the children get their energy out. I may have been exhausted at the end of the four hours with the children, but I thank God for this opportunity.

In early July, I flew to Germany to help with the preparations for the ESBC. At first, I did not know what I would be doing, but by the end of the first week there, I had more than enough to do. Together with another second gen, I had to make the program booklet, which seemed like an easy task but ended up being more work and time consuming than anticipated. By God’s grace, we were able to finish it and picked it up on the day we left for the conference. I also became part of the “Ask me team” that mainly consisted of new gens ages 15 and up. We took care of registration, answering questions, and giving directions. It was encouraging to see so many young people from different chapters and countries work together. Although I was busy during the conference, I was able to enjoy it as well. It was blessed and filled with God’s word. The message that stood out to me was from Mark 11:1-25. The messenger posed the question, “Why is your happiness dependent on how you do in your ministry, how your ministry does, and whether people leave?” The point of the passage was having faith in God. If we have faith in God there should not be anything that shakes our faith or happiness especially when it comes to the ministry. I should be happy even when things seem rough or there are less people there because if I have faith in God, He will take care of these things. I am thankful that I was able to help with the conference and also attend it. My stay in Germany and the conference were very blessed. Even though I had been busy with the preparations, I had some time to visit my family and spend time with friends.

Right after the conference, I had to come back to the U.S. for my internship. I had not really been looking forward to the semester because I had to take six classes and go to my internship twice a week. This semester was the most stressful, exhausting, overwhelming, and tiring. I went through some difficult times and had many changes to make. I had to end a relationship that had started in the wrong way and had hurt people unintentionally along the way. It was all a learning process for me. I had hurt God and several people, which was painful to realize. In the end, I had to realize that I had been too naïve and made many mistakes. All I could do was simply lay everything out before God and ask Him to forgive and heal those I had hurt. Besides personal struggles, I also struggled to focus on God’s word and His work. There were so many things I had to do for my classes and internship that I barely had time for anything else and was always tired. Many times, I thought about giving up one thing I did in the ministry, but I never did because I knew that I should not. I enjoy teaching and learning about children and development, but all the work that I had to put into this semester made it less enjoyable. I had planned to graduate this spring, get a job, and start working in the fall. However, three weeks ago, I had to learn that I would not be able to move on to the next phase of my internship. I did not pass my internship, not because I was not a good teacher but rather because I did not fulfill the expectations of the program, though I had tried hard to improve in the way that my professors and supervisors asked me to do. This means that I have to change my major. It took a little bit of time to accept this change because it was my dream to become a teacher and I thought it was God’s plan. I accepted this as God’s direction for my life and hope that with the new major I chose I can still become a teacher. It was at that point that I was reminded of my key verse, where it says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” (Proverbs 16:9). I had planned my way and future the way I thought it would or should go, but God is establishing my steps and His own plan for my life. Now, I decided to change my major to Family Science but will have to add two or three semesters to my studies. I am not sure how God will lead me this coming year, so I chose Proverbs 16:1 as my new key verse. It says, “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.” For this year, I am praying to trust in God’s leading and listen to His direction, to spent time in His word, and to be successful in my classes.

Major Change

I would have never thought that this would happen to me because I had my life (college) all planned out. I was going to graduate this Spring, get a job, and start working in the Fall. Well, God had another plan for me. My key verse from last year describes this situation very well, ‘In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord established their steps’ (Proverbs 16:9). On the last day of my final exams I had to learn that I did not pass my internship and would not be able to move on to the next phase. I tried several times to convince the program director and coordinator to let me go any way, so I could show them that I could change and improve. However, it was in vain. I then realized that their decision was maybe not that bad because I had been very stressed, unhappy, and tired throughout the semester. I thought that maybe this was God’s way of telling me He had something better in store for me. This was very difficult to accept because becoming a teacher had been my dream for years. I had to contain myself during the meeting, so I wouldn’t burst out in tears. After leaving the building the tears just started flowing, not so much because I was sad but more because I was disappointed that I had failed at something I loved and had to tell all these people that I wouldn’t be graduating on time and wouldn’t be able to major in what I loved. I was glad it was dark outside, so I could just let the tears flow. Once I got on the bus I tired to think of other things. One of my close friends/neighbors happened to board the bus just a little after I did. I first did not want to talk about what I had just learned and talked about other things going on in school. However, I decided that it probably would be better to just tell him what had happened, which ended up being a great relief. He encouraged me and assured me that God will make a way and I did not have to worry. After getting home, I decided to send emails to my parents and brother. I did not want to wait until the next day and maybe skype them. I had to tell them right then, so I wouldn’t stay up all night thinking about what to say. I was not sure how they would react. I was very worried that they may be disappointed or sad. They replied the next day and told me, though, that they understood and were thankful that I was trusting in God’s leading. After that, it became much easier to tell people what had happened. Many people were shocked, but I told them that I believed that this was God’s plan. On Monday before Christmas, I met with my adviser and talked to her about the change and what I would be doing instead. I told her that I wanted to switch my major to Family Science, which will give me more options in what I can do including teaching and counseling. Now, I have to officially change my major and will have to add another two or three semesters to my studies. I have come to accept this fact and am glad I learned I did not want to teach in public school before I graduated or went on to the next phase of the internship. It is not easy to know what God’s plan is. I still don’t know where He will lead me now, but I do not feel uncertain about my future because I know I have God, whom I can trust in. He is on my side and will lead me on the right path.
When praying for a key verse during the YDJ retreat, I had opened my Bible to my key verse from last year (Proverbs 16:9). When I opened my eyes, Proverbs 16:1 was right in front of me. There it says, “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.” This verse perfectly fit my current situation and even though it may sound similar to my last key verse, I made it my key verse for 2015.