I have been thinking about writing this post for several weeks. Now, I have finally found the time and words to actually compose it.
It is never easy to talk about ones weaknesses. Sometimes we may not know what they are or learn about them later in our life than we wish we did. They can easily get in the way and may hinder us to do the things we need to do or to be successful. One of my greatest weaknesses is lack of confidence. Some people may not think that that is not a big problem. However, I have had to learn this in a painful and hard way. I was always able to pass by even with a lack in confidence, but when I got to my internship it became very apparent. I knew going into my internship that confidence was an area I needed to work on, nevertheless I did not know that it become this big problem that would cost me my place in the program. Since then I have realized how much I have to work on my confidence to be able to work in any environment with all different kinds of people.
I think I lost some of my confidence early in childhood. I am not sure what happened, but I am sure that several factors played a role. I also have to say that I do have confidence in the tasks I am good at. I do not question every step I make, what people might think or if that is what I should be doing. However, in the areas or times I do lack confidence I question myself every step of the way. I have to or want to do things the right way the first time. I want to do my best. However, it often happens that I make the wrong choice, no choice, or a decision too late. This can be very frustrating not just for others but also for me. It hurts to know that you disappointed people.
It sometimes helps me when people give me some time to prepare myself or realize that I can do whatever I need to do. At times it helps me to just share this weakness because that allows me to be more confident. However, pushing has never really helped me. It makes me more anxious or shut down and unwilling to fulfill the task.
Recently, I have been trying to work on my confidence. I try to step out of my comfort zone sometimes and not think too much about what I am doing. In the end, I know that God is in control of my life and he can help me to work on my weaknesses because he will carry me in the times I am unable to do it on my own.
