God's Plan

As part of my major change, I had to attend an academic plan workshop. As the title says, I had to plan my academic career with my new major. On my way back, I was reflecting on the past four years and almost 20 days that I have been here. Man, I thought I knew what God's plan was for my life.
I think that a lot that happened was part of His plan to teach me some valuable lessons. First I didn't get into Maryland, so I went to MC. Then I got into Maryland but as an out-of-state student. Then I went through a long petition process and received in-state status. Then I applied to the College of Education and didn't get in. I waited a year, started a minor in the mean time, reapplied and gt in. In the Fall of 2014, I was getting ready what I thought was going to be my last year in school. When people asked me what I wanted to do after graduating. Many asked me if I wanted to go to grad school, but I told them that I had enough of school and wanted to work. My plan was to graduate Spring 2015, but God had a different plan. It was kind of a smack in my face, saying, "You won't graduate when you want to! You will have to do another two or three semesters! I have a better plan for you!" Man, you don't know how much that hurt. I cried for several hours and talked to my friendly neighbor and room mates. Then there was that big question mark lingering over my head and life for that matter. What next? I gave myself a day to recover from the news and then started looking and researching possible majors. Throughout this time I knew that God still had the plan for me to become a teacher, but He also opened my heart to think about counseling as another option. I signed up for the workshops and decided that God would lead me.
Do I know what God's plan for me is now? No. Do I worry? No. I don't need to know what God's exact plan for my future are as long as I trust in His guidance, I don't have to worry. Sometimes I will fall or reach a fork in the road. In this situation, I was thankful for having had this experience and coming to the fork. I was able to learn more about myself, my strengths and weaknesses. God is giving me more time and a new place to change course and work on what needs work and refine the skills I already have. God's plan for me is to be where I am now and nowhere else. He will surely lead me ALL the way.

2015 Key Verse Testimony

Proverbs 16:9 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

I chose this verse as my key verse last year because I wanted to remind myself that God is in control of my life. However, I had to learn the hard way how true this verse was through some sobering experiences.

I could not remember much of what happened the first half of the year except that I went to school, taught CBF, and sang in the praise team. The spring semester had been a successful one and I was able to take a summer class in June. At the same time, we had the summer camp for the 2- to 6-year-olds, which was a great learning experience. The children enjoyed learning and playing with their friends. Julia, Rebekah, and Grace were also great co-teachers. Even though we were not able to do much outside the CBF house, we always found other ways to let the children get their energy out. I may have been exhausted at the end of the four hours with the children, but I thank God for this opportunity.

In early July, I flew to Germany to help with the preparations for the ESBC. At first, I did not know what I would be doing, but by the end of the first week there, I had more than enough to do. Together with another second gen, I had to make the program booklet, which seemed like an easy task but ended up being more work and time consuming than anticipated. By God’s grace, we were able to finish it and picked it up on the day we left for the conference. I also became part of the “Ask me team” that mainly consisted of new gens ages 15 and up. We took care of registration, answering questions, and giving directions. It was encouraging to see so many young people from different chapters and countries work together. Although I was busy during the conference, I was able to enjoy it as well. It was blessed and filled with God’s word. The message that stood out to me was from Mark 11:1-25. The messenger posed the question, “Why is your happiness dependent on how you do in your ministry, how your ministry does, and whether people leave?” The point of the passage was having faith in God. If we have faith in God there should not be anything that shakes our faith or happiness especially when it comes to the ministry. I should be happy even when things seem rough or there are less people there because if I have faith in God, He will take care of these things. I am thankful that I was able to help with the conference and also attend it. My stay in Germany and the conference were very blessed. Even though I had been busy with the preparations, I had some time to visit my family and spend time with friends.

Right after the conference, I had to come back to the U.S. for my internship. I had not really been looking forward to the semester because I had to take six classes and go to my internship twice a week. This semester was the most stressful, exhausting, overwhelming, and tiring. I went through some difficult times and had many changes to make. I had to end a relationship that had started in the wrong way and had hurt people unintentionally along the way. It was all a learning process for me. I had hurt God and several people, which was painful to realize. In the end, I had to realize that I had been too naïve and made many mistakes. All I could do was simply lay everything out before God and ask Him to forgive and heal those I had hurt. Besides personal struggles, I also struggled to focus on God’s word and His work. There were so many things I had to do for my classes and internship that I barely had time for anything else and was always tired. Many times, I thought about giving up one thing I did in the ministry, but I never did because I knew that I should not. I enjoy teaching and learning about children and development, but all the work that I had to put into this semester made it less enjoyable. I had planned to graduate this spring, get a job, and start working in the fall. However, three weeks ago, I had to learn that I would not be able to move on to the next phase of my internship. I did not pass my internship, not because I was not a good teacher but rather because I did not fulfill the expectations of the program, though I had tried hard to improve in the way that my professors and supervisors asked me to do. This means that I have to change my major. It took a little bit of time to accept this change because it was my dream to become a teacher and I thought it was God’s plan. I accepted this as God’s direction for my life and hope that with the new major I chose I can still become a teacher. It was at that point that I was reminded of my key verse, where it says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” (Proverbs 16:9). I had planned my way and future the way I thought it would or should go, but God is establishing my steps and His own plan for my life. Now, I decided to change my major to Family Science but will have to add two or three semesters to my studies. I am not sure how God will lead me this coming year, so I chose Proverbs 16:1 as my new key verse. It says, “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.” For this year, I am praying to trust in God’s leading and listen to His direction, to spent time in His word, and to be successful in my classes.

Major Change

I would have never thought that this would happen to me because I had my life (college) all planned out. I was going to graduate this Spring, get a job, and start working in the Fall. Well, God had another plan for me. My key verse from last year describes this situation very well, ‘In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord established their steps’ (Proverbs 16:9). On the last day of my final exams I had to learn that I did not pass my internship and would not be able to move on to the next phase. I tried several times to convince the program director and coordinator to let me go any way, so I could show them that I could change and improve. However, it was in vain. I then realized that their decision was maybe not that bad because I had been very stressed, unhappy, and tired throughout the semester. I thought that maybe this was God’s way of telling me He had something better in store for me. This was very difficult to accept because becoming a teacher had been my dream for years. I had to contain myself during the meeting, so I wouldn’t burst out in tears. After leaving the building the tears just started flowing, not so much because I was sad but more because I was disappointed that I had failed at something I loved and had to tell all these people that I wouldn’t be graduating on time and wouldn’t be able to major in what I loved. I was glad it was dark outside, so I could just let the tears flow. Once I got on the bus I tired to think of other things. One of my close friends/neighbors happened to board the bus just a little after I did. I first did not want to talk about what I had just learned and talked about other things going on in school. However, I decided that it probably would be better to just tell him what had happened, which ended up being a great relief. He encouraged me and assured me that God will make a way and I did not have to worry. After getting home, I decided to send emails to my parents and brother. I did not want to wait until the next day and maybe skype them. I had to tell them right then, so I wouldn’t stay up all night thinking about what to say. I was not sure how they would react. I was very worried that they may be disappointed or sad. They replied the next day and told me, though, that they understood and were thankful that I was trusting in God’s leading. After that, it became much easier to tell people what had happened. Many people were shocked, but I told them that I believed that this was God’s plan. On Monday before Christmas, I met with my adviser and talked to her about the change and what I would be doing instead. I told her that I wanted to switch my major to Family Science, which will give me more options in what I can do including teaching and counseling. Now, I have to officially change my major and will have to add another two or three semesters to my studies. I have come to accept this fact and am glad I learned I did not want to teach in public school before I graduated or went on to the next phase of the internship. It is not easy to know what God’s plan is. I still don’t know where He will lead me now, but I do not feel uncertain about my future because I know I have God, whom I can trust in. He is on my side and will lead me on the right path.
When praying for a key verse during the YDJ retreat, I had opened my Bible to my key verse from last year (Proverbs 16:9). When I opened my eyes, Proverbs 16:1 was right in front of me. There it says, “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.” This verse perfectly fit my current situation and even though it may sound similar to my last key verse, I made it my key verse for 2015.

Honor God from Your Heart (Mark 7:1-23)

While Jesus and his disciples were eating together they were surrounded by Pharisees and teachers of the law. They pointed out to Jesus that his disciples had not washed their hands, as it was custom to do so. Jesus used a verse from Isaiah to counter their judgment. In verses 6b-8 he said, “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules. You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.” The tradition of the ceremonial washing had merely become a ritual and was not part of God’s law or word to the Jews. They had shifted their focus from worshipping God to holding to human traditions. Their hearts did not have room for God. This issue can be related to the idea that our actions can save us, that they are more important than anything is. However, in Ephesians 2:8-9, Paul said, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” No works we do and no traditions can save us or can really make us clean. Being God focused is essential for someone who calls himself or herself a Christian. I noticed that as a Christian it is easy to fall into routines and following traditions that the church adopted. Every church has traditions and human rules everyone should follow. Sometimes, I feel like I have to do certain things because it is the right thing to do, e.g. going to meetings, but then I am only honoring God with my lips and not with my heart. Everything I do is in vain. It is not worth anything. If I come with that kind of attitude, I am wasting my time and energy because I am doing it just for the sake of having to do it and not because I want to do it.
Jesus continued his speech about traditions and God’s commands. He pointed out that the Pharisees were not only honoring God with their heart, but they were also putting their rules above God’s commands. Jesus uses the law on honoring the father and mother as an example. Some Jews decided they would give their money to God, which of course is not bad. Nevertheless, they were doing it for the wrong reasons. The money they gave was intended to help their parents but since they gave that money up, they did not have to help their parents anymore. One of God’s commands was, though, to honor mother and father. Jesus is trying to show that human laws should never come above God’s law. Pastor Ron Ward said in his message, “We must respect the word of God more than human tradition.” God already gave us commands to follow. We do not have to burden ourselves by making more rules or ones that are contrary to what God’s word says. God is above all things.
In verse 14 Jesus called the crowd and clearly told them, “Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them” (15). The Jews had thought that coming into contact with unclean people or gentiles would defile them, so they had to wash themselves. Jesus explained, though, that it is not what goes inside what makes someone dirty but what comes out does. What we say and do can defile us. It is not limited to actions or words, but our character or thoughts can also cause us to become defiled. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” It is important that we guard our heart. We need to be careful that whatever we say or do is not harmful to anyone. In the same way do I have to guard my heart and “use” it in the right way. Pastor Ron also asked us, “Where is your heart?” This question really made me think. Where is my heart? Right now, it seems like it is all over the place. I was not expecting to be spiritually fed throughout my trip to Chicago. It was like a refreshing retreat without any obligations. I was able to learn a lot about ministry and about my faults and myself in just two days. I have been regenerating from sins and problems I had caused in the last year where I had not been completely honest to people around me. I realized that my heart was everywhere but with God, even when I thought it was with God. I know he is trying to renew me right now and I am grateful that he loves me even though I have failed him in so many ways. Now there is nothing I can do to change things from the past, instead I want to focus on what lies ahead by letting God fill my heart.
I have to remember that in all I do it is not because of traditions or rules that I have adopted throughout the years but because I want to do it to glorify God. I also want to shift my focus back to God and worship him with and from my heart.

These are from two weeks ago (I couldn’t take pictures last week since I was leading them in worship).

Children and Worship

On Sunday, I had to do body worship for our children’s service again. It was different than usual, though. I as somehow so moved by the song that my eyes filled with tears, but I didn’t want to cry in front of the children. However, watching them sing and worship also made me realize some things. Some of the kids were just worshiping freely. Children don’t hold back and just let everything out when it comes to worship. Some of the children are going to be leaving the country soon, which together with how they were worshiping made me really sad. Now, it also makes me hopeful that a foundation has been laid, so that they can worship freely wherever they are and go and that they are already believing in God. All this made me see my weaknesses when it comes to worship. I should worship like children worship without looking at what the other children around them are doing and just focusing on praising God.

God Speaks

Had a Praise Night today. It was a blessing. I could hear God speaking to me through the songs. I have been struggling with many different things lately (the future, temptations…). I just didn’t have a heart for God or the Word. In the last two or so weeks, I came to see that I am too preoccupied with other things that kept me from focusing on God’s word.

The song that moved me was “Great is the Lord.”

"Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise
The city of our God, the holy place
The joy of the whole earth
Great is the Lord in whom we have the victory
He aids us against the enemy
We bow down on our knees

And Lord, we want to lift Your name on high
And Lord, we want to thank You
For the works You’ve done in our lives
And Lord, we trust in Your unfailing love
For You alone are God eternal
Throughout earth and heaven above.”

I was reminded once again that without God I am nothing. And that he loved me more than anything. God is worthy to be praised and thanked.
During group Bible study this week, I stumbled over this verse, “There is no fear of God before their eyes.” It taught me that my actions do not show that I fear God. I went through all the things I do and came to realize that many of them prove that I don’t have a fear for God.  In the end, all I can do is remember God in all I do and reflect on whether what I am doing is right and God-fearing or not.
I can’t let anything separate me from God. He is the author of my life and my faith. He loves me with His unfailing love. Thank you, God, for constantly reminding me that you are the greatest and have given me victory though Jesus.

Peace Be With You! (John 20:19-31)

John 20:21 “Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.”

I have heard messages on and read this passage many times, but there is always something new to learn. The words that struck me the most were when Jesus said, “Peace be with you!” They never really stuck out to me, but while studying this passage, they were repeated three times, so they must have some significance. In Bible study, we talked about the meaning of these words in Hebrew. Translated they mean, “Shalom,” which is a Hebrew greeting. However, they seem to be more than just a greeting in this passage because Jesus said them twice while he was with the disciples. I was wondering why he did that. In verse 1, it says that the disciples were in a house with the doors locked because they were scared of the Jewish leaders. They were afraid that the leaders would try to put them on trial as well, especially after Jesus had died. The fact that Jesus had disappeared from his tomb that morning must have scared and worried them even more because they did not know where Jesus was. They must have thought that someone would come after them and question them about the disappearance. Everything was uncertain to the disciples at that point, so they hid and stayed among themselves.
Their fear turned into joy when Jesus appeared in the room and showed himself to them. The words, “Peace be with you!” were some kind of comfort to the disciples. There are only three instances where Jesus said this, and they are all in this passage, which gives them even greater importance. Why did Jesus say these words? He knew that the disciples had been scared, worried, and depressed. He knew they were missing something because their hearts were down and empty. The four words, “Peace be with you,” give comfort and assurance that fear and worries are unnecessary. Jesus wants to give peace, especially in times of distress, fear, and sadness. I may not be sad or afraid, but the last few weeks have been very stressful. My classes demanded a lot of time and energy, and also knowing that next year is going to be stressful and even more work intensive, made me worry how I will handle the pressure and work. I sometimes forget how powerful God’s word is and when school demands a lot of my time I am willing to give it because it seems important and necessary considering that I will have a job in the end. However, last week I was so tired after coming home from my internship in the afternoon that I just wanted to sleep and not go to Bible study, but then I was hoping I would maybe get something out of it and it would give me some strength. Obviously it worked. Jesus words of peace gave me new strength and comfort that I don’t have to worry about papers, exams, presentations, or the future because it is all in God’s hands.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Edmund Burke