Major Change

I would have never thought that this would happen to me because I had my life (college) all planned out. I was going to graduate this Spring, get a job, and start working in the Fall. Well, God had another plan for me. My key verse from last year describes this situation very well, ‘In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord established their steps’ (Proverbs 16:9). On the last day of my final exams I had to learn that I did not pass my internship and would not be able to move on to the next phase. I tried several times to convince the program director and coordinator to let me go any way, so I could show them that I could change and improve. However, it was in vain. I then realized that their decision was maybe not that bad because I had been very stressed, unhappy, and tired throughout the semester. I thought that maybe this was God’s way of telling me He had something better in store for me. This was very difficult to accept because becoming a teacher had been my dream for years. I had to contain myself during the meeting, so I wouldn’t burst out in tears. After leaving the building the tears just started flowing, not so much because I was sad but more because I was disappointed that I had failed at something I loved and had to tell all these people that I wouldn’t be graduating on time and wouldn’t be able to major in what I loved. I was glad it was dark outside, so I could just let the tears flow. Once I got on the bus I tired to think of other things. One of my close friends/neighbors happened to board the bus just a little after I did. I first did not want to talk about what I had just learned and talked about other things going on in school. However, I decided that it probably would be better to just tell him what had happened, which ended up being a great relief. He encouraged me and assured me that God will make a way and I did not have to worry. After getting home, I decided to send emails to my parents and brother. I did not want to wait until the next day and maybe skype them. I had to tell them right then, so I wouldn’t stay up all night thinking about what to say. I was not sure how they would react. I was very worried that they may be disappointed or sad. They replied the next day and told me, though, that they understood and were thankful that I was trusting in God’s leading. After that, it became much easier to tell people what had happened. Many people were shocked, but I told them that I believed that this was God’s plan. On Monday before Christmas, I met with my adviser and talked to her about the change and what I would be doing instead. I told her that I wanted to switch my major to Family Science, which will give me more options in what I can do including teaching and counseling. Now, I have to officially change my major and will have to add another two or three semesters to my studies. I have come to accept this fact and am glad I learned I did not want to teach in public school before I graduated or went on to the next phase of the internship. It is not easy to know what God’s plan is. I still don’t know where He will lead me now, but I do not feel uncertain about my future because I know I have God, whom I can trust in. He is on my side and will lead me on the right path.
When praying for a key verse during the YDJ retreat, I had opened my Bible to my key verse from last year (Proverbs 16:9). When I opened my eyes, Proverbs 16:1 was right in front of me. There it says, “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.” This verse perfectly fit my current situation and even though it may sound similar to my last key verse, I made it my key verse for 2015.

God Knows "Better Than I"

Last week we studied John 11:1-16. Verses 4 through 6 were the most interesting to me. To someone who reads this passage for the first time it must be very confusing. I even wonder every time, “Why did Jesus do what he did? Why didn’t he go to Lazarus right away?” The answer is in verse 4, where it says, “When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”" The verses I find even more interesting are 5 and 6. Jesus had just found out that his friend Lazarus was very sick, and he knew what was going to happen. Instead of leaving everything and running to his friends to help them, Jesus stayed where he was. Verses 5 and 6 say, "Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days." If I had written the story it would have sounded more like this, "Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. SO he left everything and ran as fast as he could to help his friend.” It makes more sense that way, right? However, this is my way not God’s way. In verse 4 it clearly says that this sickness would not end in death but would glorify God. God knows why he does the things he does and why he does it that way. He has a plan. There is a saying and TV show called “father knows best.” We can apply this to God. He knows best, not just better but best. He knows everything.
I often don’t realize how much I limit God. I often think that He can’t do this or that or something that is out of my reach is impossible to receive, but I have learned many times that it is not. At the beginning of this semester I had some issues with financial aid and was frustrated because the promised money didn’t come in on time. I had to pay a 5% fine on the overdue tuition. One half had been covered by a scholarship, but the other half still needed to be paid. Of course I didn’t have $2100 to balance my account, and I literally didn’t know what to do. A week after this happened I checked my financial aid account again and had received four grant and loan offers for this school year. The total amount offered, including my scholarship, was  about $23,000. (On a side note, I am 24 now, so technically my parents can’t file me in their taxes, so I have to be independent.) When I saw that, my jaw dropped. I simply hadn’t expected anything like that. I hadn’t prayed for money but just a way to be able to pay the rest of my tuition. This was an unexpected answer to my worries and prayer beyond what I had in mind. Now I don’t have to worry about money for a while. God knew my trouble and looked farther ahead than I ever could have. He took care of me for the future. God knows BEST.
In my story verses 5 and 6 would sound like this, “Now Jesus loved Johanna. So when he heard she was worried and troubled he waited one more week.” In the Bible Lazarus did die and his sisters were devastated and even mad at Jesus. He taught them, though, that it was for a greater good. There was a reason behind his actions. He gave them the greatest miracle. He raised Lazarus from the dead, and he was perfectly healthy and normal again. So for me this means things won’t always/never go my way because I am only nearsighted and can’t see beyond the now.