Paradise

We had our 2017 Summer Bible Conference last weekend. It was awesome and filled with great messages and the Word of God. We also had communion on Sunday. During the communion service I decided to read Luke 23:26-43, which is the passage on the crucifixion of Jesus. I wanted to remind myself of the sacrifice Jesus made by dying on the cross for my sin. I have read that passage countless times, so it was not new to me. The verse that got me on Sunday was verse 43, where it says 'Jesus answered him, "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise."' I had to read the verse over and over again to fully understand the implications of Jesus' statement. It seems very simple. Jesus is telling the thief hanging on the cross next to him that he would join him in paradise. But, as I thought about it more, I realized that Jesus was saying these words to me. Of course not that I would die today, but that I would be in paradise with him one day. What made this statement even more significant is that Jesus was talking to a thief who was being executed for his crime. The thief had made bad choices in life and knew that he deserved the punishment he was receiving. In his mind, his life was over and there was nothing he could do about it. When the other thief, who may have been his friend and/or accomplice, mocked Jesus and told Jesus to save himself and the two thieves, the thief defended Jesus and rebuked the other criminal. As much as the thief knew that he deserved the punishment, he knew that Jesus was innocent. He had no doubt about that. His simple request to Jesus was to remember him when he reached heaven. How did Jesus respond to him? He did not say, "You will be condemned to live in hell for what you have done wrong." No, he said, "Today you will be with me in paradise." Now, if a thief dying on a cross for his wrong-doing can enter paradise for admitting his wrong and defending Jesus, then what does that mean for me? If I choose to be on Jesus side and repent my sins, I, too, can be in paradise with him when my time comes.

The Church and the Future

I actually wrote this in my journal in February, but simply did not take the time to post it on here. I finally decided to spend less time watching TV. I have a lot of things that I think about and realized that I should just write them down, so they do not mingle in my mind forever and keep me up at night. Anyway, here is what I wrote in my journal about the church and the future.

This is something I realized a few weeks ago. In a church you have to think about how actions affect the future generations. I came across this idea while thinking about the future of my church because we are currently looking for a new pastor. I have come to learn throughout my life in the church and as a leader's daughter, how true this statement is. In the present, we tend to think about the present, what is going on and how we are feeling. I have had to watch some pretty serious mistakes and decisions that have torn rifts and cliffs into the church. The parties involved often only thought about the current problem and how to cover it up or make it disappear. However, this caused some fatal repercussions. I have seen people leave immediately following the incident, others were severely hurt, and others tried to forget or ignore it. The problem in some of these cases was that the next generation that was 'too young' at the time of the incidences later wanted answers but were not satisfied and/or disagreed with the answer and left the church. This is sad and could have been prevented. This was and still is hard to watch especially when these people are some of your best friends. When you are in a church d learn about division, you cannot be satisfied with a simple answer as that they could not work together, something happened that should not have, or someone did something they should not have. In the eyes of the next generation that is a ridiculous reason to cause division. We are called to be one body. A church that preaches unity but cannot keep it or does not try to keep it, could be considered hypocritical. In a church, people should work hard to keep the unity and the body functional even when diseases hit. After all, we would not cut a limb when it becomes diseased. Sometimes different parts have to find a balance or make different compromises. More importantly, we have to look at our actions and see what consequences they may have in the future.
Another reason why I came to think about this idea is that our church has a so called 20/20 vision plan, where we want to raise 20 leaders every year in the next 20 years. I never liked the idea of putting numbers to visions because it seems so limiting or too ambitious. I do not like to be disappointed and think, 'What if we do not reach that number?' I have learned, though, that this may be something that God gave to our pastor as a vision, so it cannot be wrong or bad. I also learned my lesson during the preparation for the YDJ retreat. Pastor Jacob said we should pray for 50 attendants., but we only had about 20 at that point and 36 the year before. 50 just seemed unreachable. I was even going to change the number to 30 or 40 on the prayer topic list but did not. Surprisingly, we had more than 50 attendants. My doubts were crushed, and God gave me new vision and reminded me not to limit Him. Having a vision for the future is important ans has an impact on future generations. It gives them something to work toward.

Graduation Testimony

I know I haven't posted anything in a few months. I wanted to write a lot of things, but this semester I was very busy. I decided to post my graduation testimony, which most of you heard already. However, I had started this blog when I first came to the US as a college student and want to share this important moment of finishing my college career. The testimony was limited to one page, so I could not write about all the things that happened in the last five and a half years. You can just read through my blog if you want to know more about the last five and a half years of my life. Anyway, here is my testimony.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.’

College has been a long and sometimes difficult journey. I started out at Montgomery College in January 2011. I would have never guessed that it would take me five and a half years to graduate. I chose Proverbs 3:5-6 as my key verse for this testimony because it helped me to get through some of the hardest times in the last few years. As many of you know, I struggled a lot academically in high school, so I was not sure how I was going to do in college, especially since everything was in English. However, God was always with me and allowed me to get a close to perfect GPA in my first semester in college, which boosted my confidence. God also provided financially for me. I was able to get Federal Work-Study aid and a scholarship at MC.

In the spring of 2012, I applied to the University of Maryland as a transfer student and got accepted. I did not realize at first that I was supposed to pay out of state tuition, which was more than $28,000 at that time. I did not know what to do and became anxious. I was wondering if this was God’s plan for me. I would have not been able to pay that much money. I soon learned that there was a petition process to get in state tuition. Nevertheless, when I visited the registrar’s office, the people were very discouraging, saying that I would not be able to be approved. I decided to go ahead with the process anyway because I did not want to give up. I can say that I was able to do this only by God’s grace and mercy. It was also at that time that I realized that I simply needed to put my trust in God and not in people because God can make a way, where there is no way in our eyes. It took me about two or three months to get everything together. When I submitted it, the petition was more than a hundred pages long. However, it was rejected. I was told that I needed to submit some more documents and make an appointment with the registrar’s office for an interview. To make this long story short, after the interview, which was one week before classes started, my petition was approved, and I received in state status! Even beyond this victory, God provided for my financial needs throughout my time at UMD. Not only did I get in state tuition status, but I also got the President’s Transfer Scholarship, a Pell Grant, and other grants and loans that covered tuition, fees, and books. This took a great burden off my shoulders and also my parents, who still provided for my other financial needs.

Once I started at UMD, my classes were going well. Yet, I hit another roadblock in the fall of 2014, when I failed my internship and had to leave the Early Childhood Education program. In the weeks and months leading up to that point I had felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed from taking six classes, working, writing lesson plans, doing homework, and at the same time going to my internship two full days a week. By the end of that semester, I was drained and knew I had failed. During the final meeting with the internship coordinator and program director, I realized that there wasn’t anything I could do to make them change their mind and accepted that I would be better off going a different route. It was hard to accept this at first and involved many tears on my way home. I was confused because I always thought that this was the path that God had marked out for me. However, through this experience He showed me that He had an even better plan for me. During winter break, I switched my major to Family Science, where I had to complete three additional semesters of course work. I am truly thankful that God has lead me this way because I learned a lot in the last three semesters that is relevant to where I want to go in the future. I enjoyed studying and learning again and did not feel overwhelmed and stressed anymore. Last semester, I had to do another internship, which passed without any difficulties. I thank God that He has lead me through my college years, without His guidance and wisdom I could not have done this. If there is one major thing I learned during this time it is that when I trust in God anything is possible.

I thank my parents, who have been so supportive, loving, prayerful, and provided for my financial needs. I thank my family, the sisters in and outside the prayer house, my fellowship, and Cologne UBF for their emotional support and prayers for me every day. Lastly, I thank all of you for praying for me and supporting me in many different ways. There are many individuals I would have liked to mention, but I don’t have enough time and space to do so.

Please continue to pray for me. I am in the process of applying for jobs and hope to start working in August.

One word: Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart!

Ravi Zacharias Podcast

This is a great podcast by Ravi Zacharias on challenges we may face when entering College, but it can be relevant to anyone.

RZIM Postures of the Mind, Affections of the Heart

Our Relationship with God and Others

This is my daily bread testimony from this week. There may be some overlap with my last post. I really like this passage. It came at the right time.

Exodus 20:1-21

Key Verse 20:2-3 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me.”

The Ten Commandments were given to Moses by God to give His people guidance on how to live and worship according to God’s standards. The first four commandments are focused on our relationship with God. They state that there is only one God and His name is holy. He is not to be made into an image that could be worshipped. Lastly, we need to keep the Sabbath day holy like He did when he created the world. Some of these commands sound easy to follow; after all, I only worship one God, do not make an image of Him, and do not misuse His name, and keep the Sabbath day holy. When I think about it more deeply, I can see that I may not have kept these commands. I may not have worshiped other gods, but I have lost sight of God and fixed my eyes on worldly things. M. Phillip’s message yesterday, focused on this. Hebrews 12:1-3 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” This passage almost sounds like Exodus 20:2-3. God had brought the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. He was their deliverer and they should only focus on Him and no other gods. In Hebrews, we are told that we should ‘fix our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith’ (v.2). He took up the cross to free us from sin and death. Our focus should be on God and not on other things. He is our Creator, Savior, and Lord. During the YDJ retreat, we learned about discipleship. Grace gave the first message on the calling of the disciples. She focused on Mark 3:14, “He appointed twelve that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach.” She pointed out two main purposes in why Jesus called the disciples. One of them was that ‘they might be with him’ (3:14). As disciples of Jesus, we are called to be with Jesus, moreover, to spend time with him. I think this is an important part in fixing or eyes on Jesus and following the command to have no other gods beside God. When we fix our eyes on something, everything else becomes less important or blurry. Another command that I take lightly and do not honor as much as I should is to keep the Sabbath day holy. This day, Sunday, should be reserved for worshipping God. My agenda for that day should not be filled up with homework, watching TV, going shopping, and other things. This day should primarily be dedicated to spending time with God and His word. Going to CBF and Sunday worship service can easily become an obligation that needs to be fulfilled. It is easy to lose focus of what is important.

Last fall, I went through some spiritual struggles. I felt drained and overwhelmed with my responsibilities in CBF and the Praise Team. I thought about quitting both because they had become obligations. I felt pressured (or pressured myself) to always be there and be available. I realized that I would regret my decision to leave these two responsibilities I had always enjoyed. I also knew that this would not have helped me in turning my focus to God, I was rather afraid that I would move even farther away from Him. I had a lot of time to think about my relationship with God in the last few weeks and learned that I had not been very faithful in prayer or joyful in praise as Romans 12:12 says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” I had failed to fix my eyes on God and His word, and to give Him the praise that He deserved. Revelations 4:11 taught me that God deserves to be praise because He is my Creator, Lord, and Savior. There it says, “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”

The first four commandments teach us that we need to have the right relationship and attitude toward God, and once we have that we can have the right relationship with others as God commands us to have in the other six Commandments. In training the disciples, Jesus tried to teach them to have a heart for others and put them before themselves. He wanted them to be servants and see the people as he saw them. He also called us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. This is easier said than done. It is easy to focus on oneself and your own problems or even dismiss the problems of others. This is one thing that Jesus had to teach the disciples. He did not want them to focus on the problem or leave the people to solve the problem themselves, like in the passage of feeding the five thousand. He wanted them to focus on what the people needed and to help them accordingly. This is an area I still have to work on. I need to learn to overcome myself to really love others and see them like Jesus did. I pray that we all can focus on and love God, and to love our neighbor.

One word: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30-31)

Praise and Prayer - My Struggle

“You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.” -Revelation 4:11

I had a lot of time to think about this topic in the last month. Praise is an important part of my life or at least I want it to be. At the time I first decided to write about praise I was struggling in several ways, mainly spiritually. At that point I felt drained and overwhelmed with responsibilities. I just wanted to give up everything. I thought about not being a CBF teacher anymore and leaving the praise team. I realized that especially these two things, which I used to love to participate in, had become obligations and somewhat of a burden. I often felt pressured to always be there and be available. In the midst of this I had a lot of time to think about praise and commitment to God's work. I asked myself, why do we praise God? Why is it so important? Revelations 4:11 gives a clear explanation for why we should worship God. God is the Creator of all things, including me. God deserves to be worshiped and praised as Psalm 48:1 says, 'Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise, in the city of our God, his holy mountain.' God simply deserves praise because He is God. He is my Lord, Creator, and Savior. Also, in praising God, I can remember his greatness, love, and grace. Praise needs to come from the heart first. However, my problem ran deeper than not praising God from my heart. I was spiritually on a downslope. I could not praise or do God's work because my heart was somewhere else. It was lost. Once you loose sight of something it is easy to get distracted by or focus on other things. In this case, I was focused on school and other trivial things. I was frustrated that I lost my connection with God. I tried to work on my relationship with God but only with little effort. This is where I got to the point of not wanting to do anything and give up all my responsibilities. However, I realized that this would be a decision I would regret and would have not helped me in turning my focus back to God. I rather was afraid that I would move even farther away from Him. I did not have a big realization or anything like that. God helped me see things in a different light and change my attitude. I am still working on bettering my relationship with God. And after watching the movie 'War Room' I also realized that my prayer life is more lukewarm than hot. Prayer is the essential connection to God. We should come before him with our thanksgiving and requests regularly because communication is the key to keeping a relationship strong and well functioning. I do not know how I went through the last months without really praying or communicating with God. I had no problem on relying on my own strength and only came to God when I needed something. Romans 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." I have to learn to be faithful in prayer, so I rely on God and not on myself or others. By restoring my prayer life, I can also be more faithful and joyful in praising God from my heart because through prayer I can focus my heart back on God and worshiping and praising Him. I like this passage from James 5:13-18, "13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord.15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.17 Elijah was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. 18 Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." Prayer is powerful. We can achieve the impossible through prayer. You may be wondering why I am talking so much about prayer. I think, though, that prayer and praise are very similar. We can pray to give thanks and bring our requests to God. In praise, we can show our joy and gratitude toward God. In both, we are communicating with God just in different ways. I also think that both are important, which may be evident in James 5:13. 

Thanksgiving

I wanted to take the time and share some things I am thankful for. Thanksgiving may be over, but, as my uncle said, we should be thankful every day.

1. School: I am thankful that I can go to school and learn to get a job. Even though I had to change my major at the beginning of the semester I am glad I can spend another year in school. I also came to realize that I enjoy my new major.
2. Family: My family may not be with me, but they support me in any way they can. I am always grateful when they visit and take the time to talk to me. This year, I was able to see my brother again. Ironically I have only talked to him once since he has been here. We are still close.
3. Friends: I may not have many friends in school but I am thankful for the friends (or brothers and sisters) I have at church. They encourage me in many ways and pray for me. 
4. Roommates and sisters: I refer to my roommates as sisters because we live together like sisters. The word 'roommates' sounds more distant and does not describe the relationship we have. I love living with these girls. They know my weaknesses and still love me, like family.
5. CBF/Sunday School: In the summer the children moved up a grade/class, so I now have the 2- and 3-year-olds, which was challenging at first. Some of them do not speak much English and many of them do not understand much of the sermon. I have learned a lot from them and with them. 
6. YDJ: We have had a great year in YDJ. We have grown a lot over the past year. I am thankful for the other leaders who are faithful in preparing events, meetings, and retreats, and support each other in many ways.
7. Fellowship: My Bible study group is simply awesome and faithful. They live up to their name 'absolute faith'. Each of them is special to me. We share our struggles, encourage each other, and pray for one another. We have had many victories this year, including M.Joy's Green card approval.
8. Driving: I am thankful that I am able to get my driver's licence. I would not have been able to do so in Germany. 
9. Internship: Just two weeks ago, I was able to get an internship for next spring. I needed one in order to graduate. The best thing is that it is in the field I want to work in, with families and children.
10. Work: I am thankful for the place I am working at because I can do what I love. I am also learning a lot about teaching and classroom management. 
11. Praise Team: We have done a lot this year from Sunday praise to worship nights. I love singing and praising with this group of people. (I will write more about praise in a later post.)
12. God: He is my light and my salvation. He gives me strength and wisdom to get through each day even when I am unfaithful to him or put him on the back burner. He knows me better than I do and teaches me through many situations.

Shadows

"To Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel." -Hebrews 12:24

 This semester in our YDJ campus meetings we are talking about different people from the old testament and how they are shadows of Jesus. The first presentation was on Adam. We learned that through Adam sin entered the world and man became mortal. However, through Jesus, who is the last Adam, we received forgiveness of sins and life. I found it interesting to see the similarities and differences between Jesus and Adam. The second person that we talked about was Abel. I had the privilege to give a presentation this time, which was a great learning experience. I had never looked into the story of Cain and Abel with such detail. Here I saw God's love and mercy for all sinners, like Cain. He knew Cain's heart and warned him with these words, "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it" (Genesis 4:7)He gave him a chance to change his heart, but sadly the jealousy was stronger and in his anger he killed his brother Abel. We again looked at the similarities between Jesus' death and Abel's death. We could see how Jesus blood brought life, healing, and atonement, but Abel's blood brought death and hopelessness. This is why Jesus' blood speaks a better word than that of Abel. Abel's blood was poured out because of revenge and Jesus' blood was poured out because of our sins. It was God's plan to sacrifice his only son. He willing gave him up for us. However, when Abel's blood poured out into the ground it cried out to God (Genesis 4:10). God was sad when Abel was killed. He could rejoice in Jesus' death, though, because through Jesus he reconciled us with Him. No one else's blood could have saved us except for that of Jesus. He is the way, the truth, and the life.

Healing

We had another Praise Night last night and it was a very different experience than the previous ones, not because I was not part of the Praise Team, though. In the middle of one of the songs, one of my classmates from high school came to my mind. His name was Jan. He died about two months after our graduation in a bus accident in South Asia (the anniversary of his death is a week from today). I was never friends with him, and he actually didn't like me. However, today I suddenly became very sad and realized that I would never see him again, but that he was now in a different place. I felt like I had failed in what God has called me to do. I never shared the gospel with any of my classmates. The fact that Jan died at such a young age made me realize last night that life is short and we never know when it could be over. Somehow in this sadness, God gave me the desire to share the gospel with those around me. I should not keep it to myself because if I do I take the chance away from someone to hear about or even experience the love of God.
While I was still sad and filled with tears I was comforted by the words, "even when I fail you, I know you love me [...] in every season, I know you love me," from the song 'At the Cross'. Knowing that God loves me even when I do something wrong and no matter how many times I fail gives me peace. Also, God loves me in every season, in the good times and the bad times. The song 'Inside Out' has some similar lyrics and reminded me of God's mercy. There it says, "A thousand times I've failed still your mercy remains, and should I stumble again I'm caught in your grace."
I never thought of this as a wound or something that needed healing, but today I was shown otherwise. I was also reminded of the many times I cried as a teenager. I would usually lock myself in the bathroom since that was the only place no one could bother or see me, other times I would cry under my covers at night when everyone else was already sleeping. I struggled with many things at that time, wanting my parents' love and support, being teased in school, things that did not work out the way they were supposed, or when I was simply hurt by what someone had said or done. There are still wounds and scars that need to heal. I really liked the song 'Draw me close to You' because it summed up what I was feeling at that moment during the praise night. Somehow I could see how important God's love and comfort is and how much I need it.
It was not easy to work through all this. However, I am glad I had the opportunity and the space to do so. The praise was very uplifting and accompanied me through this journey. I realized how important healing is for the heart and soul. It takes away a lot of pain that I carried around. Even as God's children we need to be healed to be ready for God's work in our life.

John Gray

I recently learned about this preacher-comedian. He makes some very good points about how we see Jesus and how we should live as followers of Christ. It is definitely worth watching.